View From The Counter

2005-07-06T20:40:00.000-04:00

2005-07-06T20:21:00.000-04:00

2005-07-06T20:14:00.000-04:00

2002-07-28T01:24:00.000-04:00

I have just one final thing to say:

Who Da Man?!!"

2002-07-27T17:54:00.000-04:00

I was just walking through the parking lot when I saw a grape froot loops purple Dodge Neon parked outside the Olive Garden next door. As I got closer, I saw a "handicapped" sign dangling from the rear view. I dunno about you but I'm guessing, blind.

2002-07-27T11:20:00.000-04:00

The good news is I got Moveable Type installed.

The bad news is that the generic "Melody" "Nelson" login dosent seem to be working.

I've posted in the support forum and some other guy seems to have the same problem so maybe it's nothing that I did. Or I'm probably missing something painfully obvious. We'll see. But I did manage to get the login screen to come up.

2002-07-26T18:10:00.000-04:00

Buried deep in this 9622 thread is a conversation about that odd, neglected audio format, the flexi-disc, an even more detailed hitory of which can be found here. I, too, had a copy of the National Geographic "whalesongs" flexi as a kid. I still have a Flesh Eaters flexi that came with this novel and one I got from an old issue of the Beasties 'zine Grand Royal of Biz Markie singing "Bennie and the Jets". Good Stuff, Good Stuff. Nowadays, you'll occasionally see promo CD's attached to cereal boxes and the like but it ain't quite the same.

*single manly tear for departed simple pleasures*

In other news, I shall continue the Movable Type quest tonight. Mega Doses of caffeine are in order. Success or Bust, dammit!

2002-07-25T20:57:00.000-04:00

I had hoped that tonight's entry would be merely a link to the new blog in it's new Moveable Type home. I printed out the full manual at work this morning, I was chomping at the bit, man.

After work, I decided I shouldn't do this on an empty stomach, so I popped into a pub-grub joint to grab some eats. I sat at the bar munching my calamari and determinedly reading the installation manual, when, about halfway through, I felt a clammy sensation on my right thigh. I had been sitting by the beer taps, and some hose had been leaking lager onto my khaki dockers throughout the meal. By the time I figured out what was up, the upper half of my right pants leg was soaked making me look like an incontinent slob and smell like a bar rag at the end of Mardi Gras, which is of course a very pleasant way to spend your 45 minute commute home. Why did this happen?

My theory is this, ever since I quit drinkin', the beer of the world feels abandonded and this is it's way of getting back at me. But one thigs for sure, the fates are not with me this evening, so rather than attempt a huge project tonight I'm gonna go shower the stale Budweiser aroma off me, then come back and hang.

In happier news, it's MeFi/9622 Toastmaster General Miguel Cardoso's birthday today. There's a tribute thread going at the Monkey House, so pop over and pay your respects.

2002-07-25T15:14:00.000-04:00

Here at work, "cold call" mania continues unabated. Now they've introduced "scripts" to the equation. We're method actors now apparently. If you're in sales and can't extemporaneously make up a pitch, ask for a transfer to Accounts Recievable, OK? Aaargh! But on the plus side I used the store laser printer to print out the entire Movable Type manual, this morning and I've used their hardware for all kindsa shit. You suck out my soul, I'm gonna take some of your bandwidth, got it?

On to other matters, people often speak of "guilty pleasures" in this world. When it comes to stuff like booze and cigarrettes, I see what they mean, but not when it comes to the arts especially music. However cheesy something may seem, it was probably felt sincerely by someone involved in it's creation at some point, so if it moves something within you embrace it guilt-free, you aren't hurting any one. I love some incredibly uncool stuff* ; Dolly Parton's "Coat of Many Colors" makes me weep openly as does "In My Room" by the Beach Boys. The Brooklyn Bridge's "The Worst That Could Happen" and the Bay City Rollers' "Saturday Night" make me boogie like a mad fool. And I say without embarrasment that this stuff is as artistically valid as some of my 'hipper' faves. i'll evn go one step further: it's a lot harder to come up with, say "Louie Louie" than it is to come up with say "Dark Star" by the Dead if you get my drift.

*and I don't mean in that "it's so bad it's good" way. I hate that shit.

2002-07-25T02:15:00.000-04:00

Some Random Information:

I have hairy toe knuckles.

I am probably the last non-medicated person in America.

Even though I've quit smoking, I always check the apartment(like 5 times), to make sure there's not a cigarette burning in an ashtray.

I get mad at people for being brain-dead conformist sheep, then I learn that they've survived troubles far worse than mine and I feel enormously guilty.

I absolutely hate the sound of a ringing phone.

I am proud to say I've never been inside a dance club.

I can only sleep comfortably if I pull the blanket over my head and if my feet stick out over the edge of the bed.

I become incredibly suspicious when paid a compliment.

When people ask me what I do for a living, I feel awkward that I say, "I work at.." rather than, "I am.."

Easy things are often very hard for me, I couldn't tie my shoes until I was 7.

Due to having a December birthday, I joind kindergarten already in progress around January. Something important happened in that first semester and I'll never know what it was.

I was listening to "Heat of the Moment" earlier and realized that if I wanted to go back in time and fix all my mistakes 1982 would be a good starting point.

I have the distinct feeling that I've missed a lot of boat, cause I've been wandering around the dock in my bathrobe waithing for my coffee to cool off.

I am a freak magnet.

2002-07-24T21:45:00.000-04:00

OK, The Movable Type installation is not quite done, me and Matt pounded away at it, but still the error messages keep coming. But they keep changing which is a form of progress, I suppose. I also still can't get at the pickled eggs. Also, I had to use a computer at Kinko's and when I tried to use their Mac to get on the internet by clicking on Sherlock, the system crashed. I told the guy that Sherlock had crashed their Mac, he looked at me straightfaced and said "What's Sherlock?" Then, when I need to make a rubbing of my credit card and asked for a pencil, none of the staff had one, so they made me buy a pack of pencils. I was almost hired as a project manager by them when I was in Florida. Thank God I turned 'em down. On the plus side, Lisa came home with calzones and Yoo-Hoo. But all in all, it's been the usual, pratfalls and expeditures of misguided effort to maintain absolute stasis. Ahem.

Lisa was watching that American Idol peice of shit on TV last night. Some teenybopper dressed like an S&M Barbie sang a synthesized version of "You Really Got Me." Watching this for me was like a devout Catholic watching you burn the Pope in effigy. The world stopped making sense sometime around 1998 didn't it? Maybe those survivalists up in the hills waiting for the world to end have the right idea.

2002-07-23T22:54:00.000-04:00

My food is mocking me.

I bought myself a big jar of pickled eggs and a bag of string cheese as a treat today. I got the jar home and neither me nor Lisa can get it open, we've tried banging the sides of the lid, holding it under running hot water-all the usual tricks and it ain't budging. After I finished weeping, I went and got the string cheese which is sealed in little individual cheese sarcophagi, with no perforation on which to tear it open. Thankfully, there's some TV dinners in the house so I'm not gonna starve, but this all begs the question-do they want me to eat this food or don't they?

Plus my mouth was all psyched for briny eggs and mozzarella. Now here I sit, with the gastronomic equivalent of blue balls.

2002-07-23T18:08:00.000-04:00

I have a co-worker who is always regaling us with funny stories. However, 98% of the time it's a story from a movie he's seen or a stand-up routine he's heard, never anything that happened to him. This makes me feel sad for him somehow. It makes we wanna drag him out for a wild night or something. As Bob Dylan said "you should'nt let other people get your kicks for you."

In other news, I am now a domain owner(cockeyedabsurdist.com and nametagnation.com),I didn't link to 'em cos there's nothing there yet. I set up hosting this afternoon, so hopefully, soon I'll move over to that Movable Type thing that all the cool kids seem to like. Plus I'm tired of dealing with one free host, for this, one free host for that, etc. etc. I may be driving the more experienced among you nuts so be warned.

2002-07-23T14:18:00.000-04:00

Ellen Feiss sits in the Spokescharacter's Saloon, nursing a double kamikaze. Steve from Dell walks by, the Gateway cow at his side.

"Shame about your ad, Dudette," Steve says, barely containing his glee. The cow merely nods sagely.

"Thanks," Ellen whispers and they walk away nudging eachother.

Bastards, she thinks, then looks at the Gateway cow's hindquarters, Mmmm, beef jerky....

2002-07-22T12:39:00.000-04:00

Sometimes, living inside my head is like living in an apartment between a tapdancer and a drummer and above a bowling alley and beneath a schizophrenic accountant. Too much damn noise and I'm always worried that the cops are gonna bust in, blame me for everything and drag me away. Not to mention, I always drowning in intricate complicated but ultimately meaningless details, that are nonetheless important to somebody, just not me.

I'll probably be on blog lite for a coupla days. I've gotta start chipping away at my job search, without distractions.

2002-07-22T00:46:00.000-04:00

Um, if any of the New York MeFite's are reading this. I've got a question: Is the August 6 MeFi get together still on, and if so, where's it gonna be? I've already arranged my work schedule, so I just need a location.

2002-07-21T18:33:00.000-04:00

Lisa just got back from the grocery store. I asked her to pick up some hot cocoa, and she gets both the Dutch Chocolate and the French Vanilla flavors. And now they sit in the same cabinet. I'm worried about war breaking out quite frankly. If she had only bought Swiss Miss everything would've remained neutral.

2002-07-21T16:09:00.000-04:00

Meet Mr. Bologna, kids. He's the mascot of the Fischer Foods Corporation, makers of fine products like Pickled Rope Bologna. He's a cute little guy, but he looks lonely. He needs some pals. Miss Mustard, perhaps? Pete the Pre-Sliced Individually-Wrapped American Single, maybe? The Potato Chip Gang, even? One things for certain, he's locked in a life or death struggle with his arch-enemies, the EVIL EGGS!!!

2002-07-21T01:48:00.000-04:00

I've been listening to some stuff by Puffy Ami Yumi. In their native Japan they're known simply as "Puffy" which for obvious reasons they had to change in this country. I had seen one of their CD's on the rack in New York and my curiosity was piqued enough to download some stuff. In Japan these girls are huge apparently, but they've yet to make a dent here. I'm not sure why, since their songs are rocking and infectious. According to their UBL bio, they've worked with some heavy hitters. I'd enjoy their tunes even more if I had the foggiest idea what they were about. But they are enjoyable, no doubt.

I also dl'ed some stuff from Plastic Bertrand, who specialized in satirical punk rock from France. "Telephone a Telephone" was pretty nifty, but "Ca Plan Pour Moi" sounds suspiciously like "Jet Boy, Jet Girl" by Captain Sensible & the Softies.

I seem to be on a bit of an international kick lately,and I'm not talking a bout the watered down compromise known as "world music." Some may decry the global presence of American music as a form of cultural imperialsism, and when its in the cynical hands of the global media corporations, they have a point. But quite simply I don't believe people give up their regional quirks and cultures so easily. While I may enjoy hearing traditional music in it's "pristine" form* , the Western influences are avilable to anyone with ears through the mass media, so what I find really interesting and entertaining is watching those influences collide and combine with local traditions, and how it all plays out in different surroundings both culturally and politically. I've mentioned groups like Czechoslovakia's Plastic People of the Universe here before. There's also the Afro-Funk of the late Fela and others, the Narcocorridos of Mexico and the Aboriginal rock of Australia's Yothu Yindi. I'm giving you the quick and dirty version here, it's a subject I'd like to research and write more about, but for now I'm just gonna enjoy the tunes.

*whether such a "pristine form" ever existed or could exist in a age of mass media is a debate for another time

2002-07-20T18:05:00.000-04:00

I've been looking over the last couple entries, and I've decided that even I'm tired of hearing me bitch. So this will be a nice mellow post, you dig?

And really to tell you the truth, lately I've been happier than I've been in awhile. I look at myself in this infamous picture and realize that even though that was taken only about 15 months ago, I've already changed a lot. That pic was taken at about 4 in the afternoon, but I was aleady half-sloshed. Back then my days consisted of work, daytime TV, downloaded porn and aimless surfing. My relationship was estranged and I rarely, if ever, had coversations worth remembering. My ambitions consisted mainly of moving home and at best maybe moving up a notch in my current job. I had absolutely no desire to try anything new and my perspective consisted of either day-to-day survival of impossible pipedreams of luxury, lassitude and adoration.

Through a whole lotta happy accidents and some fortunate encounters with some good people, things have changed radically. I've stopped smoking, I don't get loaded anymore and me and Lisa are tighter than ever. Rather than just suck up content, I'm starting to create things and it feels good. I've made new freinds, I'm changing jobs and residences. It's scary, but fear is better than slow death, lemme tell ya.

I'm also trying new stuff almost every day. I just had my first Snickers bar. That may seen strange coming from the king of weird snack food, but it was only 2 months ago that I found out I liked peanuts. I'm contmplating other things I never thought I would: going back to school, switching to Mac..whatever. I'm looking forward to finding out what'll be revealed next, which is a big change for the better.

2002-07-20T14:33:00.000-04:00

The company bought us lunch today at work. Originally we were gonna do Chinese, then the boss decided that was getting to complicated with all the special orders and all, so we switched to pizza. It's amazing how difficult it is to get 5 people to agree on pizza. We wound up getting one Hawaiian, one cheese, one pepperoni, one pepperoni and mushroom. I had a couple of slices of pepperoni. We also have to wear thee corny-assed white promo t-shirts today, so I ate it very carefully to avoid getting a big old grease stain. But, it was free, so I shouldn't bitch. In other news, I did make some cookies last night, some of those instant break and bake toll house cookies from Nestle. I followed the directions put them in the oven and waited. Then I heard Lisa, who had been sleeping, mumble, "is something burning?" Yup, I managed to fuck up instant cookies. Sometimes, I'm amazed I haven't blown myself up yet. They werent too bad, though just kinda charred around the edges. they weren't burnt, just well done. Not to mention, I don't think I've ever met anyone who actually calls them 'Toll House Cookies' around my house they were always just 'chocalate chip.' That's kind of like people who refer to Rice-A-Roni as 'pasta.' Just sayin' is all.

2002-07-19T18:43:00.000-04:00

For the past couple hours it's been raining that relentless type of rain that makes you wanna run outside, shake your fist at the sky and scream, "cut it out!" My customers today have been either spoiled teenyboppers and their clueless parents pricing laptops for college or decaying old people who need the concept of "memory" explained to them in minute detail. Of course none of them actually want to buy anything, they're just here to suck my air and demand my complete attention for an hour or so.. My usual webhaunts have been kinda blah today. I've also had only two cups of coffee and one cherry Starburst to eat .Also there's some unexplained leak in my car roof, resulting in the drivers seat getting all wet during rainstorms, giving me a wet ass, which does in khaki pants looks lovely. I've also been told that on my next day off, we're having a mandatory meeting that I have to commute forty minutes for at 10 am. You could say I'm feeling a mite grumpy.

Well it's only an hour and fifteen minutes till my shifts up. I'll go home, make some cocoa, pop some cookies in the oven, put on The Last Waltz soundtrack, grab my favorite book and try to forget that I woke up today. If that dosent work, I'm just gonna run out into the street and scream bloody murder.

2002-07-19T15:56:00.000-04:00

I need something to pursue wholeheartedly. Something that'll pay the bills without making me hate all of humanity. I know, I know aren't we all. But after 10 years,(I'm slow bear with me)I've figured out that sales isn't it. Yeah, it's an honorable way to make a living, my Dad supported a family on it, but it just ain't my cuppa tea anymore. So I'm carefully considering the alternatives. I say carefully because, I don't wanna pick the wrong horse.

First Idea:something in technology. I like computers and know my way around them as a user, which makes laypeople think of me as "technical," but there's a difference. Everytime I read a programming or networking manual, I'm fine for the first coupla chapters, then my head starts to spin and my mind starts to fog. Besides, I know plenty of people in those feilds and even with all their skills they're having a rough go of it.

Second Idea: Something scholarly. Go back to school, get a sheepskin to polyurethane and put on the wall. Maybe, but I never did too well in school post 5th grade or thereabouts. I remember when Lisa was in grad school down in Miami, I'd go to parties with her classmates, and they all seemed so smart that I had absolutely no idea what they were talking about and I'd get an urge to go outside and play with my big red rubber ball.

Third Idea: Quixotic Dream Jobs, Disk Jockey, Writer. Nice Ideas, but they don't put frozen dinners in the microwave. No station on earth would let me play the stuff I like and it looks like internet radio is gonna be illegal. Writing: the worlds fulla smartasses who can turn a phrase, so I can't bank on that.

I'm not trying to do the self pity thing here, I'm just kinda brainstorming. I'll come up with something eventually.

I just looked out the window and there's this 18-year old kid with a ring in his eyebrow wearing a t-shirt with a Exxon logo restyled to read "Exxstacy." Makes me fear for the future. Who am I kidding, someday he'll probably be my boss.Ok, time to get back to the grind.

2002-07-19T11:03:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, before I went out to the bookstore, I went to put on deodorant, but the dispenser of Ban solid was at the poit where you had to dig out little chunks of stick with your fingers and smear em on your pits hoping something will stick, which is of course what I did. Now, my hairbrush was sitting right next to the deodorant on the bathroom counter, so unbeknownst to me some of the deodorant fell onto the brush. Then I ran the brush through my hair before leaving and got tiny hunks of Ban embedded in my locks. But on the upside my head smells powder fresh.

In other news it's Harley Davidson's 100th Anniversary this month. The anniversary bikes look terrific. If I wasn't completely broke and could ride a motorcycle I'd buy one. Really, ever since I was a 15 I've wanted to do the Peter Fonda thing, but it's yet another interest I've never pursued beyond an armchair level.

Harley's must be the ultimate in brand loyalty though. I mean, plenty of people love coffee, but have you ever seen someone tattoo a giant cup of Starbucks on their back? Women love makeup, but I have yet to see an outlaw Avon gang spring up. The only close comparison would be the Linux community I suppose. Both groups have a fierce devotion that sometimes surpasses logic. Both groups are attractive as much for the comradeship between the memebers as for the product itself. Both groups have an avian mascot- Linux has a penguin, Harley, an eagle. Both have figureheads of admiration, Linux has Linus Torvalds, Harley, Willie G. Davidson. But I have yet to see boob flashing, coleslaw wrestling or drunken brawls at a Linux conference,(although I'm sure it would be welcome) so that's where the comparison breaks down.

2002-07-18T14:53:00.000-04:00

Mick "Mankind" Foley and the young jonmc.

Separated at Birth? Father and Son? The same person before and after Dexatrim? Or do they merely shop at the same stores?

You decide...

2002-07-18T10:37:00.000-04:00

I was reading this entry over at Layne's and it's a pretty funny story, like most of her stuff. But I gotta set the young lady straight on one thing--Bo Diddley ain't no pimp, Bo Diddley's A Gunslinger or even a surfer, but never no pimp. I've actually seen Bo live twice, first time on Central Park Summerstage, where me and my buddy got to meet him before the show. He was a true gentleman, freindly and gracious, answering all our fanboy questions then putting on a raucous show. Second time was at a huge multi-act blues tribute to John Lee Hooker back in 1991 at Madison Square Garden. During the first few acts, everybody had been all scholarly and chin-strokey. Bo came out with that square guitar slung on his hip, stared at the audience and said "Everybody get the fuck up!!" , ripped into a booming version of "I'm A Man," and the place freakin' erupted. Beautiful moment, that.

While we're on the subject of music and other peoples blogs, I read this over at nstop's and it got me thinking about that odd thing, the poetry/rock connection. Sure, there's been the occasional Nick Cave who can bring his talents to the printed page, or a Jim Carroll who can make the jump from literature to rocking out, not to mention Henry Rollins who is sometimes terrific and sometimes annoying at both.

Then there's Phil Lynott. Now, I'm a huge Thin Lizzy fan, "Cowboy Song" is one of my all time favorite jams. But, even being no kinda poetry scholar, I gotta admit that Phil's poetry is pretty mediocre at best. But he craeted Jailbreak and the charitable trust established posthumously in his name does some good works, so he's forgiven. I say chalk the whole poetry-rock thing up to a misguided quest for "legitimacy" kinda like hip-hoppers tendency to want to become actors. Many try, but few succeed. Oh well, back to the coffee.

2002-07-17T19:35:00.000-04:00

On the way to work today, I saw a sign for a Pre-School, under the name of the place it said, "Where Kids Kount!"

Whether they spell or not is a different matter...But it's kool just the same.

Also, I was a hit in a search for shaman pen pals. First of all, I'd love to know what a pen pal letter to a shaman would be like. Secondly, would a letter even be neccessary? Couldn't you just fling your message cosmically outward or something? You wouldn't be a pen pal then, more of a "metaphysical mate" or "cosmic chum" I guess.

2002-07-17T16:02:00.000-04:00

First phonecall of the day today, literally just as I'm walking into work, went like this:

"Thank you for call BlahdyBlahShop, How can I help you today?"

"I'm looking for a paralell port card.."

"Well, we don't actually have any parts in stock, sir, I could ord-"

"[loudly]Hmph! I'm probably an idiot for asking!"

Click.

Quite a flying start to the day, that. I had an almost irrestible urge to *69 him and say, "Yes you are and you're ugly too."

Oh well, here's some musical advice. I really love the song "Where's Johnny?" by James McMurtry. I first heard this song back in the early nineties and I remember upon my first listen, sitting dead silent for ten minutes in the shock of recognition.His other work is equally impressive, if not quite as personally momentous. The son of novelist Larry McMurtry, James crafts lyrical masterpieces which are matched by hauntingly spare musical backdrops. They make their point with a minimmum of bullshit and a maximmum of emotional resonance without being overwrought. Everyone I've ever played him for has walked away impressed. More bloggin' later perhaps.

2002-07-16T14:12:00.000-04:00

I want the ColdChef to make me a Mefi meal. First we'll shoot the acridrabbit with BarneyFifesBullet which we'll sautee in a pan full of dong_resin. Then get the iconomy-sized box of wonderchicken which should be put through the evanizer with the setting on fold_and_mutilate. On the side, five fresh fish. The proper beverage accompaniment would be a big bottle of BaliHai wine. For dessert, Special K and a slice of cake, which of course, you should drinkcoffee with.

*burp*

2002-07-16T09:48:00.000-04:00

Just sipping my morning java from my 7-11 travel mug, before hitting the dusty trail for the job. I'm not in the mood for it today, but I rarely am lately. I know I've gotta do things to change my situation and I'm doing 'em believe me. But sometimes I get these crippling attacks of self-doubt, then I'll talk to Lisa and they'll go away. I still haven't figured out exactly what the future holds, but for the first time in about 12 years, I'm thinking about it beyond the pipedream level, which is good.

BTW, commish, I gotcher CD in the mail. Nice work, my man. I'll be putting both the MeFi and 9622 mixes very soon, rest assured.

2002-07-16T00:03:00.000-04:00

I promised y'all a happy music blog, right?

A couple of days back I mentioned purchasing an album of Texan Polka Music. Well to be more accurate, the album also contains waltzes and scottishes as well. This album may catch some eyes strictly out of curiosity value or for the more scholarly among us, historical value, but there's much better reasons to buy this record, like the fact that it's not only listenable but really pretty damned good.

Texas has large Bavarian and Czech populations, and in similar fashion to what happened to music of Louisiana's French-speaking population, the travails of life in America have mellowed and warped traditional Bavarian tunes to the point that the slow numbers have this wonderful warm looseness and the fast ones have this Teutonic Funkiness that makes you wanna hoist a stein and oompah the night away. Particular standouts are "Once Upon a Sunday Waltz" by Vrazels' Polka Band and "Texas Scottische" by Ray Krenek and his Orchestra, but all of the tracks are good. This music is still thriving in the Lone Star state, judging by this list of band links and this MP3 Archive of radio shows. Also Klang,a UK disrtibutor I stumbled across while researching this entry, has tons of info and purchasing links to other fasinatingly unusual music. It sounds crazy but trust me, youll like it.

2002-07-15T17:40:00.000-04:00

I just got through talking to a woman who was very upset with us. Apparently she had bought one of our "legacy-free"(read:USB only) systems through AOL. Then she bought a scanner through AOL, a parallel port scanner. She was angered that her computer had no "scanner port" and she wanted a new PC for free. After a few moments of contemplating fling some choice obscenities at her, I tried to explain that most scanners these days used the USB port and that it might be easier to return her scanner and get a new one, and that since she had bought said items through AOL, she should talk to them. She didn't seem to quite believe me. Putting aside the more obvious insanities of his particular call, who the hell buys parallel scanners anymore? I know, same people who buy stuff through AOL. Aaaauuugh!

Refresh my memory, why exactly did I come back from vacation?

In other news, I'm domain/host shopping and I kind like the sound of Dreamhost's deals. If anyone knows better ones, lemme know. "cockeyedabsurdist.com" seems to be available as well, which is good news.

I'll do a happy music blog later, I promise.

2002-07-14T14:31:00.000-04:00

I just made a run to the gas station for some coffee, and the guy in front of me asked for a book of matches. The clerk said, sorry but they had none. Apparently, somebody ran into the store earlier that day and stole the box of matchbooks off the counter. Of all the damned things to steal, why those?

As a former smoker, I can appreciate the idea of having some lights handy but come on. Perhaps, they had other reasons; maybe there's a black market for matches among the Pyromaniac-American community or something. But still it's strange, for an area that puts such an emphasis on being "normal" an awful lotta weird shit happens around here, lemme tell ya.

2002-07-14T13:02:00.000-04:00

First of all, it's Lisa's birthday today, so do drop by and say Happy B-day.

In other news, I'm back here in the land of strip malls. At work, my co-workers have been issued matching t-shirts to wear for some promotion this week. Thankfully, this happened during my vacation, so I wasn't issued one. I'm looking at my co-workers and at the moment they resemble a dance troupe of note(although without the entertainment value of the ventriloquist's dummy). The assistant manager told me that they had a t-shirt for me, I asked if it came with a paper hat. He didn't seem to find that funny somehow. Just to drive home the fact that vacation is over, I've gotta visit the folks tonight. Oh, well. More later.

2002-07-13T15:11:00.000-04:00

I was just peering at my referrer log and found out that I'm the #9 hit on Google for "googlings". That's almost a wormhole into lexical hyperspace, somehow. A bit like going to the card catalog in the library and looking up "card cataloging."

2002-07-13T14:21:00.000-04:00

While going through my bag of booty from New York, I found an Abba-Zaba bar which should be nifty to munch on while listening to "Abba Zaba" by Captain Beefheart. Especially if ABBA and Zappa stop by.

In other news Lisa is up at the Javits Center taking her exam, while Rob is out on shopping trip buying chili fixins. He's promised to bring coffee when he returns.

Pocky rocks my socks, man. Especially the strawberry flavor. I'm feeling experimental, so I may stir my coffee with a stick of it when it arrives.

2002-07-12T23:00:00.000-04:00

My Day in New York: Some Photographs

A Boy and His Sandwich, Is there no deeper love? Pastrami Breakfast at Katz's Deli

Where my beloved Carnival Food comes from. "Appliance Row" on the Bowery.

Some guy tried to sell us the Brooklyn Bridge, but we're no dummies, we held out for a bridge of our own...

Still Life with Snack Food

Rob in Chinatown getting used to the idea of Bubble Tea

Got Milk? Howzabout Abstract Art?

If you say so..

Yes, it relieves your cold..but at what price??

...Let's Go!

"When you're a Jet, you're a Jet..."

Mmmm, Mango Chutney..

Then we tried the vindaloo...

Thug Life at the Oldies Shop

Contemplating Meat...

Ferrara's espresso and tiramisu to put it all in perspective

Quite a day. I love New York. Sincerely.

2002-07-12T14:09:00.000-04:00

Hey look, I'm a Fireman, Woo-Hoo.
Okay, that's enough, time for coffee.

2002-07-12T13:01:00.000-04:00

Rob the Emt, hip SOB that he is, made me some Kona coffee which is as he says "from the mercury rich volcanic soil of Hawaii" He makes it in this beaker-esque contraption. When I saw the thig full of steaming coffee on the kitchen counter, I poured myself a cup and took a sip.

Apparently, you're supposed to strain that coffee before drinking it. I got a mouth fulla grounds, or the chunky-style coffee depending on how you look at it.

2002-07-12T12:02:00.000-04:00

The old grey staillion, he ain't what he used to be, ain't what he used to be...

My god my calves are sore, but I've covered about 30 miles roaming around the city over the past couple of days, so that's to be expected I guess. I have a blast over the last few days just tooling around the city and watching people and going into interesting places, so it's been worth it. I remember when I was sitting in a cafe on Sullivan Street, eating my peanut butter and bacon, the window I was sitting at looked out on a tattoo parlor from which emerged a Hell's Angel in full regalia after getting a new tatoo, I assume. Also, It's also a truly weird experience to stand in the middle of Grand Central Terminal and not be part of the mass exodus for exurbia. You just kinda stand there and the throng flows around you like water around a stone. I absolutely need to be living here, and it looks like it's gonna happen. I'm not sure what were gonna do today, but I'm getting hungry and when I'm in New York, I make it a point to eat stuff I can't eat at home, so I'm sure it'll be interesting. Im sure you'll hear from me later.

2002-07-12T02:28:00.000-04:00

Home again(kinda), home again. Had a good time tonight with Roe and her husband Mike, and Evan. We had some Bubble Tea in Chinatown and spent awhile shooting the breeze and cracking jokes. I had a big old mango bubble tea, which was really fuckin' tasty, but I'm sure the staff were very grateful when the group of loud crazy roundeyes left. Then we had some excellent burritos to make the evening a bicultural smorgasbord. Rob the EMT showed up and regaled us all with tales of glory, and of course proved that he does in fact exist. Roe, Evan, Mike go forth and spread word of the wonder.

I'd be wittier, even go into a lengthy description of the album of Texan Polka music* I bought today, but I'm tired and I'm watching Tivo'd South Park on Rob's TV and people are shoving food up their butts and crapping out their mouths, including a cartoon Martha Stewart. Sweet.

*no kidding. I haven't listened to it yet, but I'm chomping at the bit. I'm a weirdo, and proud.

2002-07-11T17:55:00.000-04:00

Quick stealth blog from a CompUSA on fifth Avenue, just so's ya don't call 911 thinking I'm dead or something. The G4 Mac I'm typing this on is pretty damned spiffy and the Cinema Display is gorgeous. I'm off to boogie down and paint the town, so you'll hear from me later.

2002-07-10T22:49:00.000-04:00

Greetings, brothers and sisters. I havw had quite afun day in the Big Apple. First of all, every good american must go to the Chip Shop out in Brooklyn and have a deep-fried Twinkie before they die. This food is the stuff dreams are made of, truly. Their fish and chips are the best I've ever had as well. The "Elvis" sandwich Peanut Butter & Co. is amazing, too. Bacon compliments peanut butter surprisingly well, but then again bacon compliments everything well.

I had a couple of good finds at House of Oldies like this old obscurity and a Stax Volt Revue Live in Paris LP featuring Otis Redding and Sam and Dave. I also stopped in at Other Music, my new favorite record store. Every obscure record you ever read about in a zine or that was refferred to in a record review, they've got it. No shit. I picked up this Latin Funk comp and a great compilation from Takoma in the used bin. The gods are still smiling upon me. I'm currently sitting in Rob the EMT's pad in Chelsea, with a bigass blister on my heel. Chuck Taylors are great shoes, but not made for long distance walking, man.

More fun and blogging updates ahead tommorow.

2002-07-10T09:23:00.000-04:00

Hello, everybody. It's about 9 in the morning and I'm sitting in a Cybercafe on the corner of Bleecker and Jones Streets here in New York. The keyboard on this machine is so old that the letters have literally worn off and my fingers seem to be typing from general instinct.I've also consumed enough coffee to propel a troop ship to Guam. I've gotta meet someone over on Hudson around lunchtime, but until then I'm free to roam. I just had some eggs and sausage in a joint called the Waverly Cafe, over on(you guessed it) Waverly, which they served to me not on a plate but in a pan. Nice touch that. On the walls were autographed pictures of celebrities, most of whom I'd never heard of. One of them, according to the caption of his picture was named, "M. Adam Brown." Wouldn't that make him "Madam Browne?" Perhaps he's a she-male.

House of Oldies should be opening up in a half hour or so, and I'll go paw through the racks looking for treasures. A few blocks away, a large crowd has formed outside of the passport office. Must be a big travel day or something. Anyhow, I'm off to see if New York's ready for me. Rock on, children...

2002-07-09T19:17:00.000-04:00

They've started to rebroadcast old Our Gang/Little Rascals shorts on AMC after years of them being unavailable. This makes me happy as I used to love these shows as a kid. Just tonight they were racing a soapbox derby type of car down a hill and it started to break apart and Dickie yelled, "Hey Stymie, Where ya goin?" to his man at the rear; to which Stymie answered, "I don't know but I'm on my way!" I know the feeling, Stymie.

What's sad is how many of the rascals came to bad ends. Scotty, for instance, perished in a drug-related suicide at age 38. Wheezer, after an abusive childhood, perished in WWII. Most famously, Alfalfa was tragically murdered after a somewhat dissolute young adulthood. It almost sounds like a parody, but sadly it's true.

Not all the kids ended up in such dire straits however. Jackie Taylor is alive and well, as is Shirley Jean Rickert. Buckwheat worked as a film technician until passing away of a heart attack in 1980. This page has some photos from a televised Little Rascals reunion from the early 1950's. The pictures are fascinating, but the description of the show is grotesquely discomfiting.

But it is nice to have the shows back. Despite all the sad associations, they do usually make me chuckle, still.

2002-07-09T14:39:00.000-04:00

This may be the coolest pop-culture fetish object I have ever seen. I bow before it.

I have ESPN Classic playing in the other room. A channel dedicated to sports reruns. Sounds like a joke out of a Douglas Coupland novel but it's real. Plus it's cooler than you'd imagine. Right now they're broadcasting the 1987 baseball All-Star game. Not only is it neat to see some great players like Kirby Puckett and Dave Winfield in action again, it's also neat to see those half forgotten workhorses like Larry Parrish and Harold Reynolds and to groove on the old-school stat-graphics and uniforms. Plus it seems to be the only channel that broadcasts re-runs of The White Shadow, the most underrated TV show of all time, with killer theme music if you recall. One odd by-product of that show is that several cast members have gone on to become director/producers which was not easy for black actors in the 70's and 80's, if you remember.

Now time to nuke up some lunch and coffee.

2002-07-09T11:59:00.000-04:00

Here in the United States, a lot of us have become skeptical, even cynical, about rock and roll music's abilty to affect real change in the world of to the point of of being pre-emptorily ironic or deprecating about our love for the form. To many eyes, it dosen't look like rock and roll has the power to change anything but fashions and slang anymore. This, of course ignores the millions of small almost imperceptible ways that music irretreivably changes individual minds and outlooks every day. Now in this country the changes wrought are usually cumulative and more social than political, but not always. James Brown's concerts given after the MLK assassination helped quell riots for one, and rock music was probably did more to spread the countercultural ethos than any other cultural force, bringing the anti-war sentiment along with it.

In other countries, the effect has been far more empowering and immediate and, of course, when musicians talked of revolution they were playing for much higher stakes. But they all took their inspiration, at least mostly, from American rock and roll. Awhile back on MeFi, I posted about the Plastic People of the Universe a Zappa-inspired troupe of rockers, who braved torture and imprisonment in Czechoslovakia, to be become future premier Vaclav Havel's "cultural cabinet." In Jamaica Bob Marley carried more weight with the average citizen than any politician you could name and candidates went out their way to curry his favor for political endorsements.

One the most inspiring incidents of rock and roll, and more specifically, rock radio's ability to truly change things is the story of Belgrade radio station B92, detailed in the book Guerilla Radio. I remember hearing bits and pieces of this story as it occured over the last decade, but this tome loving details the story, I'm only a few chapters in, but I'm riveted. The guys behind this outfit slogged through wars, sanctions and police brutality and risked imprisonment and death to spin some Clash records. Why, you ask? Well, sure for the love of the music, but also to give themselves and the citizens of the former Yugoslavia, a sustaining taste of what that music is about:freedom, honesty, embracing your fellow man, and that feeling as Springsteen put it, "that it ain't no sin to be glad you're alive." They delivered this in a time and place where it was desperately needed, and for this they are rock and roll heroes. But you know what, we could use a dose of what B92 provided here in the US, just to keep us from drowning in cultural cynicism. At any rate, it's sobering and inspiring to see the power this music has to motivate.

In other news, only one more day till NYC! w00t! I've also been listening to some tracks by this woman Norah Jones. What an amazing voice. Her work with Charlie Hunter on his new album is excellent. Wow, after that long speech about rock and roll, I'm talking about jazz. Lemme put you wise, it's all rock and roll where it matters, really.

2002-07-08T21:02:00.000-04:00

While up in New Haven, I did a little shopping. At Cutler's on Broadway, I found a copy of Solomon Burke's latest in the used bin for eight bucks! How could someone discard this masterpiece? Burke's voice has matured over the years like a good single-malt scotch and on this record, he's given material worthy of him from songwriters like Bob Dylan, Nick Lowe, and Van Morrison, which makes him shine. The record has this amazing air of relaxed assurance, while scarificing nothing in terms of emotional urgency; the best soul music I've heard in years. The Blind Boys of Alabama, the force behind another of the year's best albums put in an appearance on "None of Us are Free." The Minister of Music Culture says BUY IT!!

After that, I ambled over to this magazine store called "News Haven" that I used to work at about 5 years ago. The selection of the place is legendary, but the owner was a complete psychotic. One day as I straightened the rack, he began screaming nonsensical curses from his office. The customers all offered to help me escape. They needn't have bothered. Two days later I was laid off. I visited today and found the new issues of G A B, Rockpile, and Sound Collector. I asked the kid at the counter how my old boss was doing, and he said, "He's gone."

"He's dead?"

"Naw, he just sold the place."

"Lucky for you"

"You ain't kidding"

After that I wandered into a used bookstore/delicatessen to browse and found a copy of this book which I'd seen in a bookstore in Greenwich Village, eight years ago but not since, for $4.95. I let out a little w00t, which mildly shocked this Joe Yale type quietly sipping his espresso and reading Plato. I apologized and said I had made a find. He nodded sagely in approval. I was so grateful, I felt compelled to buy a sandwich, and what a sandwich it was, rare roast beef, goat cheese, horseradish mayo on a sesame baguette with an iced cappucino to chase it.

Reading that back I feel so fucking hip, I can barely stand myself. Whatever. If the thrifing/record raccoon gods are being this good to me in New Haven, I can only imagine what I'll find in NYC.

2002-07-08T12:08:00.000-04:00

Watching the morning talk-shows is a bit like looking at internet porn in a couple of ways. It's a kind of "misery porn" in that you get the titillation of looking at someone who's life is more fucked up than yours(someone, I forget who said that Jerry Springer and his ilk are the best illustration of Johnny Rotten's phrase "...a cheap holiday in other people's misery'). Secondly, you watch long enough, you start to believe that everyone has a life dysfunctional enough to land them on a talk show, just as internet pron makes you believe that everybody in the world is having kinky sex and documenting it for the cybermasses. I have yet to see anyone I know in either place, I've seen people on talk shows from neighboring cities who've referred to places I know, but that's as close as I've come. Eventually, I'll turn on Springer and see my parent's that's my worst nightmare.

Now, I think I'll shower and maybe take a drive up to New Haven.

2002-07-07T23:59:00.000-04:00

From the Accidental Art Department:

We bought another bag of this stuff at the supermarket today, then left it in a bag in the back seat while we ran other errands and forgot all about it. With the warm weather, by the time we got home, the bag felt all squishy. I figured it was probably ruined, but it seemed a shame to waste good candy, I threw it in the refrigerator. This was around 7 o'clock. I went to the fridge a few minutes ago to get a glass of milk and while I was there I opened the bag.

What I saw amazed me. It had congealed into one solid hunk of sweet creamy goodness encased in a smooth white fudge outer layer with wrinkles in the same pattern as the bag that had held it. It's beautiful in a weird way, like a glucose monolith. I wish I had a working digital camera to show you, or better yet some of that spray epoxy shit to turn this object into a paperweight or something. It's almost a shame to nibble at it.

Almost.

2002-07-07T19:56:00.000-04:00

Had a quiet day out today, although I consumed a ridiculous amount of caffeinated beverages today and my colon is paying the price. We dropped by the local Barnes and Noble, where I picked up fellow MeFite and illustrious blogger Rebecca Blood's new book which, so far, is one of the better guides to the blogscape that I've seen and written in her usual smart, clear, non-condescending style. I also drank a couple of these this morning. Then we stopped at a local coffeehouse where I had some kind of coffee milkshake concoction. On the shelf of the store as decoration was one of these tins. Is it just me, or does the guy in the turban pouring java look a lot like Osama Bin Laden? More proof that decaf is evil, you ask me.

I also bought a copy of the latest issue of Time Out:New York so I'll have some places to visit in NYC. I'll probably be heading in Wednesday with Lisa and staying in the city straight through till possibly Saturday. I'll be away from my email, but I'll be reachable through the blog and AIM if any one has something to say or wants to hang.

2002-07-07T11:06:00.000-04:00

First of all, I'm awake for chrissakes. Goddam telemarketers, calling and hanging up at 9am on a Sunday. The trauma of this is compounded by the fact that 12 years of retail has conditioned me to the point that a ringing telephone makes me spring awake and pounce like a startled cougar and years of dealing with irate parents, bosses and bill collectors have also counterconditioned me to the point that the ringing phone also makes my stomach seize up like a patient waiting for test results. It's only because of years of zen training that I restrain myself from picking it up and answering in garbled early-morning-ese "Hello thisisjon, howcanihelpyou?!" Yet another reason why I don't own a cell phone; it would just be too embarrassing to do that in public.

Anyways, Lisa and I went to visit my parents night before last, to drop off a belated Father's Day gift for dad and a birthday gift for my 16-year-old sister. Dad enjoyed his gift, but Sis was in Vermont making a movie with a freind from school. That's the exact kind of project they would've thought was flaky and weird when I was 16 and discouraged in favor of me getting a summer job at the supermarket, which is what usually happened. But, In my youngest sisiter my parents have finally pooped out an overachiever, so who am I to argue?

Halfways through the evening, my mother said that I should go back on Ritalin. At 31. 'Zat so, Dr. Mom? All my life's attendant problems can be solved by a substance that had bad side effects on me when I was seven? I think I'll pass. Of course, as the evening went on, watching the progress of conversations revealed to me that the whole damned family seems to have ADD. Listening to conversations in that house is like watching bumper cars.

Me:So I've decided to leave retail and move to New York...

Mom:Really? Do you remember Mrs. Boombalatty, who lived next door to us in 1979? She was originally from New York, and you know what? She was in a bus accident and now she has a wooden leg like a pirate.

Middle Sister:That reminds me, I was buying some Cap'n Crunch at the supermarket and I ran into that Mark Flubbernuts kid you used to hang out with? He's still got those awful pimples, you know...

Me:(incredulous pause)Uh-huh. Well, I've got to switch paths cause sales is just sucking the life out of me and I need more personal satisfaction from my job and I need to be around more interesting people to get my juices flowing, you know?

Mom:(look of utter incomprehension)Oh. By the way when are you gonna start dressing better? You're 31 years old, can't you wear something besides jeans and t-shirts?

During all this Dad has been sitting on the couch concentrating deeply on his Newport Light.

AUUUGH! It's nice to visit your family of course, but doing so usually reminds you of why you moved out. But I can't really get that angry with them if I really think about it. I'm the oldest child and and they were only about 25 when I was born. Looking back at myself at age 25, I realize that I knew exactly dick about anything and I don't imagine they knew much more, so I suppose I was the experimental child. Each McNally kid seems to have been less screwy than the last. First me, then moderately screwy middle sister, finally culminating in overachieving wonderchild baby sister, who has yet to manifest any teenage rebellion, not even scary taste in music or clothes. Me and middle sis have been waiting for the explosion but it hasn't come.

Oh well, enough with the family talk, I'm on vacation. My body still seems to want to race through the day cause it thinks I have work tommorrow, but that should wear off. I intend to spend Monday morning standing on the front lawn in my bathrobe sipping coffee and waving at the commuters as they pass by.

2002-07-06T22:51:00.000-04:00

Yet another scary search hit...

And this one I'm #1 for!

I wnat you to wnat me...I mned you to mned me...I evol you to evol me.....

in Montana, baby.

2002-07-06T22:13:00.000-04:00

Woo-Hoo!!

Vacation. I made it. Ironically enough, as Lisa was picking me up one of my customers pulled in to place an order, so diligent commission whore that I am, I went back in to process it. Just when I think I'm out, they pull me back in.

But, I'm as free as a bird now, and this bird you'll never...well, at least not for a week. Lisa's mom took us to Applebee's where I had grilled chicken covered in cheesy stuff resting on a bed of crunchy stuff. 'Twas delicious, honestly. Now I'm sipping on these lil' Starbucks Doubleshot doohickey's and trolling WinMX for obscure oldies. After that I'll probably take the nap to end all naps. If I havent blogged by like 5pm tommorrow, send out a search party, or assume that I've done a Rip Van Winkle on your collective ass.Feel free to AIM me anytime this week to chew the fat, as I'll be home all the time for the first few days at least.

*Stops to Breathe*

2002-07-06T14:23:00.000-04:00

Just purchased supplies for a project for my main man Stavros, just a few details left on that front.

Me and my co-worker Rich were watching the customers of the Billiard Joint next door yesterday and noticed how the Friday night crowd there is largely the type of the sporty schmucks and schmuckettes that you see on Blind Date. This, of course led to a discussion of how that show only seems to fix up the most ridiculous mismatches, like say a born-again Christian and a professional dominatrix. I suggested taking it a step further: "Tonight on Blind Date a cat dates a mouse, let's see how it's going...."

The ultimate gameshow funhouse experience, if you ask me, would have been to put a serial killer on the Dating Game:

"Bachelor #1, what's most important to you in a woman?"
"The abilty to fit easily into a 50 gallon drum"
"What's the strangest place you ever made whoopee?"
"A slab at the county morgue."

I smell an Emmy, don't you?

2002-07-06T11:42:00.000-04:00

Last day at work before vacation. I'm actually feeling pretty cheerful. I'm also like zen-level tired. You know that stuff, I forget what the hell it's called, where you cook like a herd of longhorn cattle down to like an espresso cup full of liquid? I'm experiencing the same thing with fatigue right now. Between the endurance test work schedule, the car troubles, and family obligations on both sides, plus maintenance of my internet addiction, I feel like I've spent the week doing farm labor. Plus with all the coffee and soda I've been inhaling, I am fast approaching caffeine psychosis. Tommorrow, I plan to see if it's possible for a normal human to sleep for 24 hours straight.

In other news, Lisa bought me a couple pairs of Dockers yesterday for work in my usual size and I was amazed at how snug they fit. I got on the bathroom scale and realized I've put on 15 pounds over the past month.Scrawny fuck that I am, this is a good thing. My mom did say my face looked less gaunt than usual. Lisa has lost about ten pounds over the same period which makes her happy. Seems to be cosmic weight exchange thing happening.

Also, I'll be in NYC all day on Thursday. Me and Lisa will be hooking up with some net-pals at GCT around 7:00pm after she gets outta work. Anyones welcome to hang either during the day or that night. Just drop a line.

2002-07-05T23:42:00.000-04:00

Sorry it took so long to blog today. Blogger shit the bed today so I was cut off. I needed methadone.

Been getting a lot of disgruntled clients calling us with issues after they've been through tech support. One client was told that we wouldn't support Windows XP, even though it was bought from us, and that they had to do per-minute support from MS. Apparently there's a new employee screening procedure here at #$@^&$ corporation:

Go into local 7-11. Say to clerk, "Hey, you work that electronic cash register pretty darn well. I think that qualifies you to provide technical support. Here's a copy of Windows for Dummies. Come with me, young fella. Repeat.

As someone who's worked phone support, this worries me. You think I'm kidding. Be afraid or learn to be your own tech support.

2002-07-05T16:22:00.000-04:00

First of all, Farewell to the Splendid Splinter. The term "Greatest of All Time" is often abused, but this man truly deserves the accolades. The last(and probably final) player to hit .400, a.344 lifetime average, 521 homers. The man was the best pure hitter the game has ever seen and a combat fighter pilot in Korea as well. Fare thee well, Ted.

On the home front, I got the car back today. I handed them a cashiers check for $1200 and change. Even though the car was running fine, Lisa drove me to work anyway. Even with all the early rising, it's been fun having company on my morning commute and since her ride has a CD player(unlike mine, the tape deck of which has had a tape profoundly stuck in it for going on 3 years now) we get to listen to some cool tunes together.

This morning at the gas station on of the mechanics had a Marlboro going the whole time we spoke, making me jones like a bastard. Luckily a few moments ago, I was getting coffee and the guy in front of me asked for a pack of GPC's. Must be the day before payday. I remeber all those off-brand cheapo smokes-Old Gold, Magna, Bull Durham and there industrial grade roughness and bottom-of-the-dugout-after-a-doubleheader flavor. Killed my jones right then and there. Thank you, you anonymous soul.

In other news, Lisa and I will be visiting the Big Apple on Thursday July 11th and anyone who wishes to hang out is welcome to. Just let us know via email or comments, and we'll tell ya how to hook up.

Stupid customer quote of the day:"Mom wants me to get a job working in computers, cause I can type real fast." Yeah, that's all there is to it, my man. Just for shits and giggles, I showed him "view source" on a webpage and watched the look of terror on his face. Just to keep from being a complete asshole, I told him that it wasn't as hard as it looks and that I was learning it too, gotta spread karma around. I actually said that making a site was like writing a poem; anyone could do it, but it takes talent and practice to do it well.

I'll blog some more later probably, if I don't just drop from exhastion.

2002-07-04T22:13:00.000-04:00

It's scary popcorn day, folks. I'm munching some of this frightening yet tasty concoction as we speak. It's like zen sugary. I suspect that the folks at Polident and Poli-Grip have a hand in this.

But fear not,Lisa's cookin me up an actual meal. Cheese and Garlic Sausage and Fried Pierogi. I asked her to cook up some creamed corn as well. I'm not all that hungry. I just wanna wrestle.

2002-07-04T14:32:00.000-04:00

It's official.

I have found the worlds oddest snack food. Fiesta Fruit Flavored Popcorn. 50¢ per clear plastic bag. Popcorn that looks like it was colored by a five year old using Magic Marker-level bright colors. The copy on the bag says "Cherry, Orange, Banana" but one of the colors is green. I tasted one of the green ones, it tasted the same as the others, that vague sweet artificial flavor known as "fruit."(anyone remember back in the '70's trident made that appetizing "Fruit Flavor" gum?) It also says, "Fun at Parties!" How exactly? Does it sing, dance, play Strip Scrabble, what? I asked the attendant if it was selling, he said not really. I have a theory that someone at the candy factory was experimenting with flavorings and now their trying to unload the stuff. I, for one, don't mind; it's bad, but in that good kinda way.

2002-07-04T11:41:00.000-04:00

Happy Fourth of July, everybody. God Bless America. I mean that sincerely. After all the crap this country's been through over the past year the fact that we managed to make it to another birthday is impressive. The government of this nation has committed some atrocities in it's history, I'd be the last person to deny that, but the hearts of this nations people are for the most part in the right place. And also, while we haven't realized all of our ideals yet, at least we've got the right ideals. OK, enough with the boosterism before I break into "The Star Spangled Banner"
.

Actually, I'd nominate Chuck Berry's "Back in the USA" as the national anthem.

Looking hard for a drive-in, searching for a corner café
Where hamburgers sizzle on an open grill night and day
Yeah, and a juke-box jumping with records like in the U.S.A.

Sums it up for me, y'all....:)

2002-07-03T23:45:00.000-04:00

Just bought the new Guided By Voices CD tonight. Excellent as always. "Cheyenne" is a particular standout. If there's any band that deserves to break out of the indie rock minor leagues and become full fledged rock stars, this outfit, led by a former Dayton, Ohio schoolteacher is it. For the uninitiated, imagine the Replacements if they had been infatuated with The Who rather than the Faces and with cryptically evocative lyrics worthy of Thomas Pynchon. These guys ar as raw and honest as any punk band you could name, but where a lotta outfits today, self-conciously play sloppy and carelessly, this music reeks of ambition. This record could be what breaks them as it contains plenty off good riffs and a lotta hooks, but I can still see it giving the Limp Biskit/Lifehouse crowd a wicked case of the I-don't-get-it's. Here's hoping though.

2002-07-03T14:10:00.000-04:00

I am looking forward to New York City, both visiting during vacation(4 more days!) and more permanently soon after. I love that city, for a variety of reasons.

1.Hugeness. New York is really freakin' huge. Around this area, I not only know just about every street, I probably know every pothole. New York is so big that could never happen if you had all the time in the world, and even if you somehow did cover the whole city, by the time you were done, it would have changed all over again. A place with capacity to continually suprise, this I like.

2.Conversation. Stereotypes aside, New Yorkers are actually freindly people. They'll start a conversation anywhere about anything, and will respond to you when you start one. And usually they'll talk sbout something interesting. Around here people talk about their love life, their jobs, their lawn and whatever was on fucking Friends last night.

3.Public Transportation. Yeah, I know trains and subways have their own problems, but it beats the shit out of battling your way down a highway at the wheel, lemme tell ya, not to mention all the bills for car insurance, gas, oil changes, etc. Plus you can read during your commute, which is always nifty.

4.Things to Do. Just a cursory look at the Village Voice will show you that, at any given moment, there's something going on. A good band is playing, an author is reading, there's an interesting exhibit somewhere and all these things are easy to get to(with the consequence of making New Yorker's very culturally literate). Out here in the outlying NYC suburbs, parking and transportation and traffic hassles make any of these endeavors a major pain in the ass, sadly. It's a case of so close, yet so far.

5.Snack Foods. New and exciting ones. Fried Twinkies. Hot Dogs, PB&J, Cannoli at Ferrara's, Zeppoli at the Feast of San Gennaro. All Kinds of shit that I'm forgetting. New and Exciting arterial cloggage! w00t!

I'm kinda stoked.

2002-07-03T13:45:00.000-04:00

My boss just mentioned that there was a minor "issue" with an order I'd placed. Every job I've had for the past decade, I've heard that freaking word at least three times a day. Whatever happened to "problems", hah? "Issues" are what sits in a magazine rack, folks. It's like they think calling something a more neutral word, it makes something less annoying. Hey, you can call death "non-animated," but it won't make you alive, understand? I ever run a company, the first person who says "issues" is fired and then shot. I'll blog more at lunch.

2002-07-03T11:12:00.000-04:00

And the award for Subtlety in Packaging goes to...the Arizona Extreme Energy Shot . I saw this in the 7-11 cooler yesterday and I have only one question. Where do you put the batteries?

2002-07-02T22:28:00.000-04:00

From the "As If There Was Any Doubt" Department: I was driving home down I-84 today, and I saw a vehicle with (I am not kidding) Michigan license plate 666. It was of course, a minivan.

In other news, I just finished eating a delectable treat I bought at the Cumberland Farms a couple blocks away. In a small box by the register were little plastic-wrapped cubic-inch sized hunks of various flavors of fudge. I bought the last remaining peice of butterscotch flavor. Imagine all the sweet food you've ever eaten refined into a little tiny chunk of gooey goodness. This is the sucrose equivalent of crack, boys and girls. It's manufactured by an outfit in Springfield, MA called Rosa's Candies, according to the little tiny piece of cardboard upon which the fudge rested. There's no web link, but this is entirely appropriate, because I magine Rosa's factory to be a place when teams of silent old women from some unnamed "old country" silently cook up vats of tooth rotting goodness, using occult procedures not to be revealed under penalty of death.

Or Something.

I'm hearing loud pops out back, my neighbors with the sapling-filled gutters are either lighting off fireworks or shooting at eachother. Even Odds.

2002-07-02T18:47:00.000-04:00

I got bored with the old colors. I'm feeling very monochromatic. I'm a screwball. Don't mind me.

2002-07-02T14:33:00.000-04:00

It's quiet in here today, folks, like tumbleweeds across the sales floor level quiet. I'm also carless until Friday, so I've been getting up at 5:45, driving Lisa to the train station, coming home, and napping if I can, blogging and slurping coffee if I can't then hopping in Lisa's Neon(a far better ride than my aging Escort, if you wanna know the truth) and driving 40 minutes to work, then picking her up around 8:30pm and driving home, so fatigue has begun to set in. But, oddly, I'm not feeling all that cranky today. There hasn't been too much traffic, so I've been looking at various websites and hitting "view source" to try and figure out how they do stuff. This is a lot more fun than it sounds, and is oddly relaxing. Beats listening to people bitch at any rate. I'm starting to be able to deconstruct sites, and once I figure out a few more things, I may attempt(operative words "may attempt") to actually design my site, because I'm frankly getting sick of looking at this freakin' Blogspot template.

In other news, those of you who think that real metal died when Metallica cut their hair and went pop, and that all that's left is Limp Biskit style rap-metal tripe, should go check out Relapse.com home to the modern metal underground, and great bands like Burnt By The Sun, Neurosis, Dying Fetus and the astounding Nile, who do for grindcore what old-school Metallica did for thrash, that is refine it and bring it to the masses without watering it down one iota. If you're the type of person who gets misty recalling the salad days of Raven, Napalm Death and Slayer, then you must visit. No makeup, no gimmickry, no freakin DJ's for god sake, just pure apocalyptic guitar fury, much of it smarter than somepeople would expect. This is where the noise has gone.

2002-07-02T06:30:00.000-04:00

It's a day of strange and ominous signs. Literally. I saw a building near the highway which housed a company known as "Professional Marketing Services" and, you guessed it, they abbreviated their name on the sign. I dunno about you, but I'd be terrified to speak to any female in that building. Then in the parking lot of a shopping center over on Boston Avenue, there was an 18-wheeler, whose trailer was emblazoned in huge green letters the word, "KANE," followed by, in smaller letters "is able!" Yes, when I think cargo transport, I wanna be reminded of Biblical fratricide, just gives me the warm fuzzies. Choose signage carefully, folks.

2002-07-01T22:30:00.000-04:00

I added a list of my digital music files to the about section, just for the hell of it. I'm a shameless show-off, what can I say.

2002-07-01T19:21:00.000-04:00

Sorry for the lack of bloggage today, but I've been giving myself some web programming tutorials. I made a cheesy about page to test things out. I will get good at this shit, I promise. It was done in raw code in Notepad and I did use CSS, so I'm pretty proud of myself. Thank you brinkster and O'Reilly and everyone who's source code I viewed.

2002-07-01T13:23:00.000-04:00

Perfect Sound Forever is probably the best online music magazine out there. They don't care much about trends, but at the same time they don't engage in clubhouse-y obfuscation to make novices feel lost. The deign is nothing to write home about,(I know, I should talk) but the writing is excellent. They astutely make connections between wildly disparate edgy styles, as in this piece yet still are unabashed lovers of pure pop artistry a la Emitt Rhodes. It's just nice to see rock music written about seriously, but not solemnly, if you get my drift. The PSF crew definitely have a sense of humor, but they also do seem to actually like the music they write about unlike a lot of music rags who simply seem bored and snarky most of the time. Their Tributes alone make it worth the trip. That page could be subtitled, "Artists Worth Learning More About."

2002-07-01T11:20:00.000-04:00

Good Morning. Finally I get a day off. Sadly, my car is still in the shop and Lisa's in NYC all day, so I'm stuck at home. But on the plus side I don't have to get dressed at all and I can sit around slurping coffee and hunting mp3's all day. I'd think of something better to blog but my brain is full and insufficiently caffeine-lubed at the moment. Maybe later.

2002-06-30T22:35:00.000-04:00

Me and Lisa stopped to pick up some stuff at the drugstore about an hour ago. As I wandered the aisles I caught sight of the Bratz dolls on the shelf. Is it just me or do these dolls look like every annoyingly shallow club chick you ever met? with the additional feature of being noseless? What a great idea, I'd love have my child play with dolls of people I'd be afraid to date. Good Lord. The only way I'll buy this here action figure is to use it as a voodoo doll.

Although...you could create a whole line of figures based on the unpleasant people in life: the My First Bureaucrat^® fun set complete with clipboard and IRS audit checklist or Tom the Telemarketer^® with headset and coffee cup attachments and realistic look of desperation in his artificial eyes, and perhaps Amber the Scary New Age Girl^® with her crystal pendant and mianiature copy of The Celestine Prophecy.

Now those would be some educational toys, y'all.

2002-06-30T16:18:00.000-04:00

About an hour ago, I noticed that I had a pen in my shirt pocket, a pen behind my ear, and I was chewing on a pen. The frightening thing is, if you had asked me, "Hey Jon, gotta pen?" I probably would've said no.

2002-06-30T12:16:00.000-04:00

Although, I'm a lifelong lover of R&B and blues music, it wasn't until about four years ago that I began listening to jazz seriously. And in typically perverse fashion, I started with the most wigged-out, off the wall performers, because they were always being touted by rock and rollers I admired.

The first jazz album I went out and bought was A Love Supreme by John Coltrane, the only musician to have a church dedicated to the spirit of his music. I was immediately blown away by what I heard. It was the same feeling I got when I first read Jack Kerouac as a teenager or when I first heard Hendrix. It said, basically, that the possibilities of life are endless and to embrace the sweet chaos and eachother and enjoy the ride because the world is bigger than you ever imagined. The official Coltrane site is exquisitely well done and features huge amounts of great audio.

From there it was on to Sun Ra and Charles Mingus and it just keeps getting better. if you're a lifelong rocker feeling skeptical--these guys are as rock and roll as Little Richard's pompadour, trust me.

2002-06-30T10:02:00.000-04:00

I am pleased to announce that my better half has joined the blogging militia. As we say, resistance is futile. So drop by pips'queak and make the little lady feel welcome.

2002-06-29T18:33:00.000-04:00

There are some things that I will not miss once I leave retail. We've already mentioned nametags and stupid questions, of course. But here's a few more.

1)Changing Register Tape. No matter how many times you do it, it never gets easier, does it? and every register is different it seems.

2)Stupid Acronyms.ABC="Always Be Closing", TEAM="Together Everyone Acheives More"...ye Gods! Howzabout KMAG="Kiss My Ass Goodbye."

3)The Breakroom.Always a cafeteria style table, covered with carved obscenities about the company's CEO and always the lingering aroma of stale coffee and fast food that no amount of Pine Sol can eradicate.

4)Forms.There are always too many of them.

5)Pens.There are never enough of them.

6)"Motivational" Meetings.My motivation is to stay alive, thank you very much. When I need some toothy optimist in a Fiberglas suit who reeks of Binaca to take 2 hours out of my life for a Rah-Rah session, I'll let you know.

7)The Secret Shopper.What kind of human being thinks, "When I grow up, I wanna catch people at a bad moment and fink to their superiors about it. And I wanna do this for a living!"

8)Stupid Sales Contests."Meet productivity goals and get a Pizza Party!!" w00t!! Listen I'm 31 years old, you wanna motivate me, offer me a lap dance coupon, or better yet how about money?

9)Three-Ring Binders.Voluminous sources of Esoteric Lore known as "Company Policy" which is unique in that it has absolutely no relation to day-to-day reality.

10)Xmas Gifts from the Boss.One boss after a particulary greuling Xmas season, left Tastykakes in our boxes as gifts. Tastykakes?!! C'mon. The bitch could've at least sprung for Little Debbie's, man.

and finally...

11)The Restroom.Eventually, someone will do something disgusting here. And you will have to clean it up.

Alright. Good to Get that off my chest.

How 'bout those Mets, hah?

2002-06-29T15:22:00.000-04:00

Those of you who know me from MeFi may be aware that I have a fondness for the Festus, Missouri-based outfit the Bottle Rockets, that rivals Shannon's jones fro her beloved Hives. Sadly the 'Rockets have never been the benefit of as much positive publicity as the Hives and their career thus far could be seen as an example of what can go wrong in the music business when a band seems to have everything going for it.

The Rockets albums feature smart literate country and blues laced rock with sharp lyrics and excellent vocals from former Uncle Tupelo roadie Brian Henneman. Their eponymous debut album and impressive live shows garned them a cult following in the Midwest. The Brooklyn Side, their second LP had standouts like "1000 Dollar Car" and the astonishing "Welfare Music." The tight, economical, and catchy tunes and no-bullshit attitude filledf a void in the music scene and their future seemed assured. Before long they were signed to Atlantic(part of the AOL/Time Warner juggernaut.)

They created 24 Hours a Day, an album that should have made them stars on the level of their old pals Wilco, but then something happened. Atlantic "declined to promote" the album. This is to say, they couldn't fit the band into an easy niche, so screw them. They're too twangy and unpretty for MTV, too hard and pointed for CMT and not arty enough for college radio. Sadly the album gathered dust cause no one heard about it, let alone heard it. Which is sad because everyone I've ever played the record for(of all tastes in music) has raved about it.

They were back on indie label Doolittle for Brand New Year which featured standouts like "Let Me Know" and "Gotta Get Up." Thier latest album Songs of Sahm is a tribute to the late Texan songwriter Doug Sahm. while the music is excellent, it worries me. Tribute records are a sign of confusion, historically-witness Lennon's Rock and Roll and the Bands Moondog Matinee good records recorded during creative droughts. Not to mention longtime guitarist Tom Parr has retired from the band.

Anyways, this whole tale is an illustration of whats wrong with the mega-globo-corp end of the music industry today. But do yourself a favor and grab up some of this stuff before some executive deletes their catalog.

2002-06-29T12:54:00.000-04:00

Last night at the store, I saw a Xeroxed sign reading, "Lost Parrot-Green with blue tailfeathers, name: George, if found please call.."

Now on the off chance I see this avian runaway, what the fuck am I supposed to do, start flapping my arms and yelling, "Hey. come back here!"

To which he'll answer, "Hey, come back here!"

"I've been looking for you!"
"I've been looking for you!"
"No shit, you too?"
...and on and on. Sadly futile, really.

Anyways, from July 7th to the 15th, I shall be taking a much deserved vacation from work and will probably vivt NYC. If any of y'all wanna hook up and hang, lemme know and we'll pick a day. Lisa would love to meet you all too, and will be in the city anyway. More blogging later.

2002-06-28T23:25:00.000-04:00

Scariest. Internet Audio. Ever.

I'm all for musical cross-pollination, but this just seems...wrong somehow.

2002-06-28T18:25:00.000-04:00

Ah. That was cathartic.

Anyways, I was making my evening coffee run, down to the Exxon station on the corner of Backus and Kenosia when I looked up and noticed that all I could see up and down the street were stores with huge, familiar, backlit plastic signs. It was like walking through Playskool world. Whatever happened to painted wood or neon, for pete's sake?

Anyway, all the lit plastic franchises made me think of my most interesting fast food mishap ever. I used to work down the road from a Dunkin Donuts, and one day I had a hankering for sausage-egg-and-cheese croissandwich. I popped in and placed my order. The attendant, whose command of English was tenuous at best, returned with my sandwich suspiciously quickly. I paid, but when I sat down and opened it, I found an untoasted croissant filled with a still-frozen sausage patty and still-wrapped cheese slice. I suppose I should be thankful he didn't add the egg. I went back to the counter.

"Is OK?" he smiled.

"It's fine" I said, "except that you forgot to cook it."

"Oh, very bad. I fix."

Which he did, god bless him. Perhaps it was an attempt at some form of breakfast sausage sushi roll and I stifled his creativity. Oh well, call me nuts, I still like my meat thawed at least.

2002-06-28T15:53:00.000-04:00

The world, in case you didn't know is run by the people who were the hall monitors back in 8th grade. I just returned from my bank, where I attempted to deposit my paycheck. Although I had ID, and the check is clearly from a well-known Fortune 500 corporation, It still has to wait 3 business days to clear because it's an out of state check. Lovely.

After leaving the bank, I popped into 7-11 to grab a cuppa joe, after drawing one into a cardboard cup, I saw a travel mug for sale, with a sticker saying "First cup free with mug purchase". I carried both up to the counter and said, "I'm gonna pour the coffee intp the new mug for the offer, OK?" She told me that, since I had already used up a cardboard cup, she had to charge me for both. Good Greif! And this isn't even mentioning the sheer tsunami of petty neurotic procedural bullshit I have to deal with on the job. The company directive is on paper in a three-ring binder people, not stone tablets brought down from the mountain. Let's try to be human, here.

On the way back here, the radio played a Springsteen two-fer, "Thunder Road" followed by "Born to Run". This is either the best or worst combo of music to hear at this moment in my life, cos it gave me this almost irrestible urge to get on the interstate and just keep going. Then I looked down at the highway and saw the very large traffic jam, which stopped me.

Just a little longer. Hang in there.

2002-06-27T22:50:00.000-04:00

As you have probably heard by now, Who bassist John Entwistle has died. This is an enormous loss for rock and roll. I heard an older freinds copy of Who's Next when I was 13 and was blown away. Never before or since have I identified so strongly with a band. Everything else I heard by them, "Substitute", "My Generation", "Pictures of Lily", "The Punk Meets The Godfather", "Pure and Easy" only cemented my devotion. Other bands were stars that we gazed up at, The Who were us, the true believers, irony and coyness be damned.

And John Entwistle's bass and the humor in his songs("Boris the Spider," "My Wife") was the glue that held the whole enterprise together.

Goodbye and thank you, Ox.

2002-06-27T16:08:00.000-04:00

From the "Your Tax $$$ at Work" Department:

Today, I went to gladly fulfill my civic obligation and report for jury duty. But, course this is me and I'm in the Gritty Park City so, it was bound to be unusual. First off the courthouses are located smack dab in the downtown area, off Golden Hill Street, a picture of which is in the dictionary next to the word "urban decay."

Anyways, after parking the car, I waited in line with a bunch of surly disgruntled people, emptied my pockets and passed my pack through an x-ray machine and myself through a metal detector. After all this, I asked a security guard where the jurors went and was informed that I was at the wrong courthouse and had been waiting with the defendants. Perhaps I look the part or something.

Anyhow, I get over to the correct building and I'm herded into this ugly goverment issue room, filled with putty-colored chairs and chewed up school cafeteria-esque tables, and told to wait for my name to be announced. The highlight of the room was this Art-Deco looking coffee-vending machine, the style of which I haven't seen in years; the kind where a paper cup is jet-propelled into this little bracket and then filled with coffee pre-lightened and/or sweetened to taste. There were buttons offering adittional options, like the pedestrian "Hot Chocolate" and the more intriguing, "Chicken Soup." But alas, soon we were shown an instructional video and then names began to be called.

After a long series of names, I heard "David McNally?"

Odd Coincidence I thought and went back to my book. 10 minutes later the same woman came in and said "Jonathan McNally?" I got up.

"We called you 10 minutes ago,"she said.

"That was David McNally you called."

"Oh, I'm sorry"

" 's ok," I said, a tad incredulous, "Happens all the time."

I was sent to a room where the others in my group were seated. We took an oath and were then told to wait in a room until our names were called and we'd be interviewed one at a time. For a while they were calling people into the room at the rate of one every 5 minutes, then, whe they got down to about 5 of us, they stopped coming in and calling names. After 40 minutes we began to get worried.Then, after an hour or so we began to feel a little peckish and started entertaining Alive-type scenarios in our heads, so we sent out a scout. This affable retired metal-plater volunteered to scoot over to the courtroom to see what happened. 10 minutes later, a very sheepish looking court clerk rushed in and told us that they were very sorry, but they had picked the jury and gone to lunch and forgotten all about us. Our confidence in government efficiency at an all-time high, we were sent on our way. The wheels of justice continue grinding apace.

In other news, my neighbors desperately need to do some yardwork. There are actual small tree saplings growing in their gutter. Perhaps they're starting an orchard.

2002-06-27T00:14:00.000-04:00

We had a couple of periods at work today where the rain got so heavy it pretty much shut things down outside. This made think of watching day baseball games on channel 11 as a kid and the rain delays, when they would fill the suddenly empty time slots with cartoons. The odd thing is there were certain cartoons that you saw only during the rain outs, it seemed. Like Tennessee Tuxedo for instance,. Tennesse was an incredibly badly animated penguin who spoke in the voice of Don Adams from Get Smart and his dimwitted walrus pal, Chumley and raised extremely minor havoc in the zoo where he lived, loved and laughed. The did have their eduacated buddy Phineas J Whoopie, which is one of the all-time great cartoon names. There was also the inimitable Courageous Cat and Minute Mouse who of course, fought crime. As odd as a cat and mouse crime-fighting team is what was even odder was Courageous's legendary Catgun, which would literally fire any object the duo needed at any particalr moment, be it a ladder, a rope, or a tuna-on-rye. It also had some rivetingly strange theme music as I recall. Then there was the often-forgetten M*U*S*H a cartoon spinoff of M*A*S*H featuring animated dogs(?!) with names like Eagle-Eye, Trooper, Colonel Flake and Sonar stationed at some kind of base in the Arctic Circle if I recall correctly. A beuatiful collision of the creative instinct gone twisted meeting the desperate need to fill airtime.

While were on the subject of niche-market pop-culture fetish items, does anyone else remember that there were certain candies that seemed to only be available on the ice cream truck? Like Wacky Wafers, Bottle Caps, Lik-m-aid and Marathon Bars? I dunno if it was a fluke of distribution or unbeliveably convoluted marketing strategy but that's the way it worked out. Boggles the mind.

2002-06-26T13:53:00.000-04:00

MUSIC RUNNING THROUGH MY HEAD STATUS: All morning it was "Valerie Loves Me" by Material Issue and "Johnny, Are You Queer?" by Josie Cotton, which made for an interesting Mental Morning Show, lemme tell ya. Then I went over to the gas station to get my java and the radio there was blaring "Dance to the Music" by Sly and the Family Stone, one of the all time dynamite jams, which I cannot sit still for. So the attendant and other customers were treated to the sight of the grown man in khakis and polo shirt standing by the coffee urn chicken-necking frantically to the beat and singing "BOOM-LAKALAKALAKA! BOOM-LAKALAKALAKA!"

On to weightier matters, like shaving. Usually, when I shave, it's pre-coffee so I'm basically flying on autopilot and I usually use those Gilette Good News/10 for $3 jobs, so this makes sure that I am one of those men for whom facial hair maintenance is something of a struggle. I either get sloppy and miss patches of hair around the chin, lower lip, and just under the nose, giving me that straight-outta-shock-treatment look or alternately I shave too thoroughly and end up with bloody clots of toilet paper clinging to my face like tribal markings. That's why I love this Gilette Mach 3 doohickey.I tried it this morning for the first time and, dude, this thing's like a Zamboni for your face. Sergei Federov is practicing his slapshot on my upper lip as we speak. I tried to rest my chin in my hand and it slid off and I cracked my skull on the famous counter. I don't usually rave about grooming products, but this thing actually rocks, no shit.

2002-06-26T06:49:00.000-04:00

Good morning campers. I gotta go to work in about 2 hours, but as long as I'm up.... Tonight I find out over the phone whether I gotta go in for jury duty tommorrow. I hope not as I have other things that I'd rather be doing, but then again, we all bitch about guilty people going free and whatnot, so if we don't go to jury duty, we have only ourselves to blame. So some poor sucker's life may be in my hands soon.

In other news, my better half went grocery shopping yesterday and instead of buying bagged sugar like usual, got two boxes of sugar cubes. I find this delightful mainly because it makes me think of this. Heh. More blogging later.

2002-06-26T00:00:00.000-04:00

Hello all.

After a lot of soul-searching, waving of arms, and throwing of flatware, me and mrs. jonmc aka Lisa have decided to reconcile. 7 years is too much to give up on so easily. I thank all of you guys for your understanding and support. Lisa also says thanks since she says that as I got more active online she noticed changes in me for the better. She was looking at some stuff online and digs all your mellow vibes, fellow earthlings. She thinks that dong resin and kafkaesque are two of the funniest human beings alive. I showed her this picture from the MeFi LA meet and pointed out Kaf and she said, "ooh he's cute, too."

Bastard.

Anyways, we got plans afoot. We may very possibly move to NYC soon for starters. Anyway's it's great to start feeling like myself again after this long, lost weekend. Now, if you'll excuse me, I just found a old bag of Beer Nuts under the mattress. Yum!

2002-06-25T14:31:00.000-04:00

After that "interesting" morning, a respite. I've got some of my favorite delicacies and a tall hot cup of coffee from the corner Exxon station*. I also have a half hour to kill and access to the net on this backoffice machine.

I was just looking at my refferral logs and find that I've been linked by Tom, over at quantumslip.com a spiffily designed and well written blog. I assume this guy is one of the MeFites but I can't figure out who, and beileve me I've tried the usual tricks. But thanks for the link and rest assured it's been reciprocated. The rest of you mugs, check him out as well.

*Believe it or not, probably the best choice for lunch on this strip where I work. Frightening, huh?

2002-06-25T11:35:00.000-04:00

A few moments ago I had this spaced out woman with fried, bleach blonde hair come into the store with two young boys in tow. She was asking all sorts of weird, vague questions like, "Where do laptops turn on from?" and, "What kinda cards are in em?" in a way where you knew she didn't know what the hell she was talking about. While she did this, one of her boys, who looked to be about four was acting up a little.

So, right in front of me, she grabs him by the chin, and hauls off and slaps him, hard enough to redden his face and make him cry. I wanted to grab her by the collar, slap her hard and scream, "How's it feel, huh?" into her face, but of course I couldn't or I'd be out on the street, so I held my tongue.

That might be the worst part of retail work. Not only do you have to sit still for shit like that, but you have to be cheerful while you do it. It's a bit of an extreme example, but I've had to hold my tongue a lot over the years through various things. Those of you who've been in the service industry know what I'm talking about. Yet another reason why we develop bad tempers and ulcers, I suppose.

2002-06-24T17:10:00.000-04:00

In the abscence of any fun or interesting news here in JonWorld. Howzabout some fun with old photos? I've made captions but I'm sure you witty fucks can come up with some too.

Here we see the strange creature in his native habitat(2001)

Important safety tip from RTEMT-wear sunscreen!(2001)

Rob is not impressed(2001)

Anti-alcohol ad waiting to happen(2001)

Hey Jon, what's so fuckin' funny?(1997)

Me and Patrick the Sci-Fi guy get down with our bad selves(1997)

Jesus at the Kwik Stop(2001)

Just chillin' at the Dumpster(1997)

The Wall of Kulcher!(2001)

I would love to know what Rob the EMT is explaining to Gay Ex in this picture.(1996)

Badazz MoFo on a recliner, yo.(1995)

Of course, looking at these shots makes my life seem far more exciting than it actually was, but that's the beauty of multimedia, I suppose.

2002-06-24T06:34:00.000-04:00

Yet another scary search hit:

partridge family naked pics.

C'mon get happy indeed. Just as long as they keep Reuben Kincaid out of it.

2002-06-24T01:31:00.000-04:00

Who's got root? I got root.

Yes that's right I managed to install Red Hat Linux 7.2 on my old box. It's an non-networked install and I basically installed everything but the kitchen sink but it's a start and it's something to learn, I've got a couple of O' Reilly books to keep me occupied too. Back in 1995 their The Whole Internet was my original roadmap.

On the downside, tommorrow I find out what it's gonna cost to replace my transmission. I'm bracing myself and trying to figure out a way to scrape the cash together. But somehow, I still feel..hopeful for some reason. Maybe I'm due for some good karma, I've tried to be a good person most of the time, even though, often there's no percentage in it, it seems. But what goes around comes around as they say, so here's hoping that I land on my feet. One way or another, I usually do.

2002-06-23T14:03:00.000-04:00

Just got back from a training meeting that started at 9:00 AM. You work in retail, you have to use your brainpower to parse out all these different flavors of procedural minutia, which never transfer from job to job for some reason. The one basic constant is the presence of the name tag.

Some places make a very big deal out of the name tag. When I worked for this outfit you had a green nametag for your first 90 days then after you completed the probationary period you got a snazzy gold nametag with the company logo in the corner. Every year, they'd issue you a new one with your "years of service" engraved on it. Kind of spiffy, in a Countdown to Oblivion sort of way. When I worked here, we started out with garden variety pinned-on ones, then they changed over to those nifty laminated plastic ones on a beaded metal chain, the ones that make you look kinda like a roadie. Since they weren't engraved we used the Kroy machine to give ourselves wacky titles like "Alpha-Geek" "Info Whiz" and "Harbinger of Mortality."

Joint I'm at now, we just get regular engraved green plastic ones, which is odd considering it's a technology company. I think eventually the name tag will be replaced by the Advanced Identification of Enterprise Employees system(AIEE!), which consists of a chip implant that when my shoulder is clicked bathes me in a holographic column of purple light and displays my name and job title in three foot high letters of fire. I've contacted ILM about this idea, but so far, I haven't heard back. Not sure why.

In other news, I managed to remember to buy a power cord, so if I can rustle up that old copy of Mandrake I have lying around, I'll finally take a whack at installing Linux. Wish me luck and if anyone wants to play guru, that's cool.

2002-06-22T18:51:00.000-04:00

Through careful research and applied mathematics, I've figured out that the waistline of a man's trousers crawls upward at the rate of roughly one inch every five years, so if you live long enough your pants will eventually begin up above your head, thus necessitating the cutting of armholes and the inevitability of breathing through your fly. Perhaps this what those crazy kids today are doing with those baggy, saggy pants of theirs. Maybe what we see as a silly teenage fashion is actually a noble attempt to stave off the inevitable Ascent of the Pants.

Quite moving, really.

2002-06-22T13:16:00.000-04:00

Saw one of these in the rack at the candy store this morning. It's basically a regular Clark bar, but with white chocolate. How...wintry. I was hoping for a candy bar with a little chocolate hat and mittens, then maybe they would create a Summer Clark, where all the chocolate coating would be removed except for little chocolate shorts around the midsection, but it's not to be apparently.

Also on my drive home last night, I noticed that someone had a 5 foot high phosphorescent inflatable American flag on their lawn.

Spiffy.

2002-06-22T00:24:00.000-04:00

Yet another utterly freaky search hit here at View From The Counter.

Grab the Giant Uvula.

....AND SUH-WIIIING, BABY.

2002-06-21T22:16:00.000-04:00

Ugh.

*snort*

Web Site! You Go!

*beats chest*

*pisses around weblog like a wolf*

2002-06-21T18:58:00.000-04:00

To make room for new sales files, we have to get rid of the ones from two years ago, and rather than just throw them out of course we're shredding them. It's truly amazing how much shredded paper can fit in a regular desk-sized wastepaper basket if you keep stomping it down. After a while you have a solid, blocky hunk of multicolored paper shreds, sealed in a clear plastic bag. The whole enterprise is kind of a post-industrial equivalent to hay-baling. Except you can't feed it to a horse and it would make for lousy loft-filler.

Also, the thought of hay baling has "Ode to Billie Joe" running through my head, which is cool since I really like that song. Some bloggers list what music they're listening to, but since we can't really listen to music at work I should just list whatever's running though my head(homicidal messages excepted), I've got a killer radio station up there in my head, great selection, although there's a lotta static sometimes...